How many times do we need to mourn before we are taken seriously
No one should have to have 3 miscarriages to be taken seriously, and yet that is exactly what the Government expect us to do to be finally seen and supported. Why?
SIGN THE PETITIONand make a change today
When I began this blog back in 2018 I never felt like I truly had somewhere to go to share my experiences and my pain. I remember being given a leaflet on the charities you can call to speak to someone, but I never felt that really was any true support there, it was almost like we were given this leaflet that may as well have read “You’re a big girl now you can handle this on your own”.
DID YOU KNOW?
Women who miscarry are more likely to develop anxiety and depression? Did you know that women who suffer loss are more likely to feel agitated, angry and uncomfortable around situations now where there are children and families involved, and when the social pressures are added into the mix, it truly is a dark place to be in.
I know that there these charities are incredible in what they do, I worked closely with PETALS and The Miscarriage Association to raise money and awareness for a cause so close to me, but I still felt like I had nowhere to go to really share openly what was going on in my head and my heart.
Miscarriage is devastating, losing your child at any moment is devastating and yet we are made to feel like we need to qualify in order to be taken seriously and seen by the government. I feel as though the term “3rd luck is a charm” and if that isn’t a complete kick in the teeth than I don’t know what is.
A CHANGE NEEDS TO BE MADE
This is unacceptable, things need to change. People wonder why we don’t come forward and talk and speak out out the loss of our children, the loss of our futures and the pain we have experienced. It is because of the lack of SUPPORT that we so desperately need and the safe haven that we so desperately deserve.
Men or women DESERVE this support and I will fight the cause alongside the incredible charity Tommys who are the largest charity supporting this and together we can make a change. I am not doing this for me, I never started The M Word for me, I started it because I knew so many women out there needed a place to go to mourn openly, but now I am fighting a cause that is much bigger than me and so to those who follow the blog and the community please share, please sign, and please support such a worthy cause.
We all dream of that moment where we get to start our Parenthood journey. But throughout the journey of pregnancy, we have so many worries. Are they safe? Will I keep them safe? We worry about how many kicks and movements we feel, we worry about their health, all of these are completely normal though…
But although we know about the “every day worries” what about the unknown potential worries we aren’t being told about or being made aware of?
Sadly, the reason for me writing this blog is because of an incredible woman’s story. A woman I have known for nearly twenty years, a woman who was awarded for her strength whilst working in the Army, she has shown strength and resilience throughout her years in what I can only describe as an incredible journey. And she has done this whilst being a Mum, and what a Mum she is. But sadly I don’t write this blog with a happy ending, BUT I am honoured to be writing it at the same time in the hope that my words and her strength can help others to learn about something that took one of the most beautiful journeys and stopped it in its tracks.
At 28 weeks, we learnt how her pregnancy did not end the way her and her wonderful family had wanted it to. Due to a disease a lot of us do not know about, it caused her to bring her beautiful little girl into the world sleeping. With that in mind I would like you as the reader to read on to learn more about this hidden disease, to learn from it, and to teach others and spread the word. This is her story. But her strength is stopping it from ending here.
CMV is largely unheard of, but a common virus that infects people of all ages. Once CMV is in a person’s body, it stays there for life. Most young children often get CMV for the first time at nursery and most healthy adults who become infected will have no signs or symptoms and no long-term effects from CMV. It can however pose serious risks to unborn babies if a pregnant woman catches it for the first time.
It’s time to EDUCATE – VACCINATE – ERADICATE this awful virus.
If you would like to learn more then please read on, all information has been written from the website and charity organisation https://cmvaction.org.uk/what-cmv
What is CMV?
CMV, or Cytomegalovirus, is a common virus that can infect people of all ages. Once CMV is in a person’s body, it stays there for life. Most healthy adults and children who become infected will have no signs or symptoms and no long term effects from CMV. It can however pose serious risks to unborn babies if a pregnant woman catches it for the first time. Congenital CMV is when a baby has been infected before birth. It is one of the leading causes of hearing loss in children and one of the main causes of childhood disability.
Transmission
You can’t catch CMV from simply being in the same room as someone with the virus. It is spread through bodily fluids, so the chance of catching it through casual contact is very low. However, pregnant women need to take care, particularly if they work with young children or have very young children at home.
CMV is found in bodily fluids, including urine, saliva, blood, mucus and tears. It is spread through close contact with bodily fluids. The main way pregnant women catch CMV is from small children’s saliva and urine. So women who work with children, or who have a family already, need to be especially careful during pregnancy.
Learn, become aware and always be prepared
Congenital CMV infection occurs when a mother is infected with CMV and it passes through to her unborn baby. About one third of women who become infected with CMV for the first time during pregnancy pass the virus to their unborn babies. About 1 of every 5 children born with the virus will develop permanent problems due to the infection – nearly 1000 babies every year. These problems include hearing loss, physical and motor impairment, seizures, autism, learning difficulties and visual impairment.
Congenital CMV is more common than Down’s syndrome and causes more birth defects than Toxoplasmosis, Spina Bifida or Rubella. Yet a survey of over 1,000 British women aged 18-44 commissioned by CMV Action* and carried out by ComRes, showed that only one third (33%) of women have heard of it. Nine out of ten (91%) women think that pregnant women should be given advice about CMV infection during pregnancy.
The story for our beautiful friend is far from over, and I am heartbroken to be writing this. But if you can share, support and show this story to so many others you could potentially help to save a family, you could help to keep someone safe.
March 23rd, 2020, as lockdown hit our homes, we had a lot to deal with and the new ways of living were hitting us hard, and thinking we had enough to contend with, our little boy was hit with the teething pains. My son was being teased at six months with his first tooth, at least we thought it was one, but he actually had two bottom teeth trying to make an appearance.
We would be up all hours of the night, we were tired, we were exhausted, our poor little guy had the annoyance of having his first tooth popping up and then going back into hiding it felt like it was never ending, and having nowhere else to go but the four walls we had to get used to, we were at a lost cause. So what now?
As the weeks went on, we started trying out little tips and tricks to see if they would work and we definitely found some of the favourites! So below I have added some of the best tricks that really helped to soothe our little boy and also I will be sharing some of the most popular tips that will hopefully help your little ones too…
Top Tip #1: Breastmilk Lollies
Nuby Garden Fruitsicles Frozen Purees
When researching online I found this to be one of the most popular ways to soothe your baby when teething. Although we stopped breastfeeding our son at only ten days after birth, I do plan on using this idea the next time around! If you are breastfeeding however, then this one is for you…
Also known as “mumsicles”, these are great quick fix for your little ones if the teething pains are getting too much to bare. They are also a great alternative to use during those hotter days playing in the sun for your little one. These little life savers probably are not something you want to give your little one all of the time, but every now and then is a great way to keep the pains at bay.
These are so simple to make, if you are already expressing milk, you can add these to lollipop moulds and leave them in the freezer ready for when you need them.
Top Tip #2 Fruit Feeders – Turned to Frozen Fruities!
These were an absolute godsend when Reggie was going through his worst part of teething. I found that even by just putting them in the freezer for 30 minutes and then giving them to Reggie it soothed his gums a lot quicker.
Another way you can use these to their advantage is by adding frozen breastmilk ice cubes, or frozen fruit to them allowing your baby to chew on the yummy goodness as well as soothing their gums from being in the freezer.
You can purchase either the silicone teats which is what I used or another brand are the Tommee Tippee Fresh Food Feeder which is on Amazon for around £4 with a mesh lining.
Top Tip #3 Frozen Yoghurt and Food Pouches…
A friend told me that she used this technique on her son when he was teething, she said it worked a treat and was so simple too plus an extra bonus, CHEAP!
She said that she used to buy Frubes and pop them in the freezer, once they had been in there for a while she would take one out, roll down the wrapping of the tube and give it to her son to let him chew on it. Of course you can either sit with them and hold it so their hands don’t get cold, or even wrap some kitchen roll around it. These are a great way to keep those pesky aches and pains at bay as the yoghurt starts to melt quite quickly once it is out of the freezer.
Why not try another way…
Another way is to buy your favourite fruit pouches, like Ellas Kitchen or I used Aldi’s very own brand to then make your very own frozen fruity treats!
Buying these are a great way to save money and keep your little busy. Grab yourself a pouch and with some grease proof paper, squeeze different shapes onto the paper, these can be any shape you like just make sure it isn’t too big as your baby needs to nibble on these! Pop them into the freezer and allow them to go hard and ta-da fruity frozen goodness!
Top Tip #4 Teething Gel
Teething Gel was a big winner in The Smith household when was Reggie was at the beginning of his teething stages. We found the teething gel Ashton and Arsons Teething Gel and it worked wonders.
It can be used from ages 3 months+ and rapidly forms a barrier around the gums to help ease the pains.
Apply a pea sized amount to the affected area and gently massage the gums with the applicator. Apply preferably after meals and before your little one goes to sleep to promote the build up and prolong pain relief. I used this around 3 – 4 times a day which is the daily recommended amount as stated.
Top Top #5 Teething Granules
Trying these in a public place for me and other Mums was always fun, the fact that they come in tiny individual sachets and trying to pour these into your babies mouth whilst people look on in astonishment was actually one of the highlights for me!
These were so good for Reggie, I know other parents who would take these out with them and would quickly pop them into their little ones mouths and it worked a treat.
Nelsons Teetha Teething Granules is a homeopathic medicinal product used within the homeopathic tradition for babies over the age of 3 months. They are used for the symptomatic relief of teething pain and the symptoms associated with teething which are sore and tender gums, flushed cheeks and dribbling.
Have you got some interesting teething tips? I would love to hear from you! I am always happy to receive amazing tips and ideas to share. I would love to hear from you or any feedback is always appreciated.
Success doesn’t just find you…The harder you work for something, the greater you’ll feel when you achieve it.
Mental Health is an ongoing battle for so many around the world, and yet still it is seen as such a taboo subject. But it shouldn’t be, if you are like me and you do suffer with a mental illness even if it’s depression, anxiety, even paranoia, don’t be ashamed! I have suffered with my mental illness for fifteen years, I have reached some very low points, but I have found some great remedies to help along the way, check them out below…
Creating a notebook for everything you feel you can’t speak out on, you can write it out, I find once it’s on paper it’s out of sight and out of mind ready to refocus on something new and motivational.
A mental health journey can sometimes be seen as like trying to ride a bicycle uphill with no breaks…
I have always tried to compare my own journey to remote situations to try and help deal with it. Any mental health journey, no matter how big or small or even insignificant you think it may be, I want you to remember, it is just as important as anything else and you must look after it.
Any mental health journey is like riding a bike uphill with no breaks…take a moment and think about it…it is a struggle, and when you are at the top of the hill everything is amazing, it’s beautiful and you feel like you are on top of the world and nothing can bring you down. And then there’s the slip, that slip that then brings you all the way down again, it’s a slippery slope with no breaks, no way of slowing you down or stopping you and before you know you’re straight back to the bottom and it seems like a struggle to start again and make your way back up to the top of the hill again.
If you ever find yourself saying “I’ll be fine” “It’s nothing don’t worry” or even “There is something much more bigger and more important than my own issues” I want you to stop right now and remove those thoughts from your mind.
No matter where you are on your journey up that hill, no matter if you are feeling on top of the world right now, or your stuck at the bottom, you’re not alone. Talk to people, whether it’s an outsider like me, I am always ready to listen, remember I have been there and I still am…I am pushing my bike up that hill as we speak trying to reach the top of that hill, I slip and can’t use my breaks to stop me, but remember, there will be a way to get yourself up that hill.
Grab that imaginary bike, and push with all your might to get to the top of that hill once more…
It’s like living in the worst version of Big Brother. We get to see the outtakes on a daily basis, we find ourselves doing crazy tasks just to keep ourselves busy and Facebook has become a version of Heat Magazine, all the latest gossip for you to feast your eyes on!
I must admit though, like so many others, the livin la vida lockdown has continued to work wizardry on my mind, something I could usually deal with, however, it isn’t that simple anymore. At first I will admit I struggled, being a Mum, letting my partner go to work every day, the closest I got to seeing my family was through a phone screen and I was no longer “Me”, and that really got to me. And I can only imagine that there are so many others in the U.K and around the world right now who are just like me, and in fact in worse situations. There are so many amazing front line and key workers, who cannot see their loved ones, their children, and all for the love of this country.
There are so many others out there who are struggling to cope with their mental health, to make ends meet, who do not know when they be heading back to work, the list is endless! And I wanted to add a little something here just for those who need a little pick me up, a little reminder that you can be whatever you want…we are so close to the finish line, so lets finish the livin la vida lock down together!
Workout: Even if it is just for ten minutes a day, grab the kids and use them as weights for squatting, run around the garden a few times, link your phone up to Joe Wicks on YouTube! I use Gabby Allen and her workouts on her Instagram http://www.instagram.com/gabbyallen/
Meditate: Grab a few minutes even if it is sat on the loo, take your deep breathes, and remind yourself the best is yet to come, you can overcome anything, YOU are still standing and THAT is your strength.
Fresh Air: It sounds crazy, BUT, a little fresh air makes the world of difference. Take the kids to the park, go for a walk and pop in your favourite music and just forget about the world even if it is just for a few moments.
TALK: Even if you have to share that you are having a really bad day, chances are there will be someone out who is feeling the same and will want to talk too, so share. Remember a problem halved is a problem solved.
And remember…you are NEVER alone – So please never feel like you cannot share.
“My inbox is always open” this is something a lot of us are seeing across social media. But for some reason last night, for whatever reason, that line really hit a nerve with me. We lose so many every day to mental health battles and when awful loses are shared via Social Media, to so many of us suffering in the darkness, it is almost seen as a 24 “trend” rather than a lifetime commitment to fix an ongoing problem. Raised for a short moment to remind us there is help out there, but as quickly as the hand is given it feels like the expiry date hits and it is taken away again. When dealing with Mental Health, it is something that is an ongoing battle, both physically and mentally.
Seeing people sharing so many posts via social media with the words “my inbox is always open” I felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt because the worst part is I found myself being one them. But what I did not think of was how it must have made those who are suffering feel. When we are in that dark place we feel like even with those words being shared, we cannot just pick up the phone and share it. I remember how I felt when I was in my darkest place, and I felt like I could not get out of it, and as horrible as it is to say this, seeing the words “my inbox is always open” it was the last thing I wanted to see. Because in all honest truth, when you suffer from mental health issues, when you are in that darkness and you cannot see the light, the last thing you would think of doing is burdening others with your problems.
So my question to those reading this, is how many of you MEAN what you share? And what would you do if someone you knew or maybe did not even know messaged you and told you they had had enough and could not do it anymore, what would you do?
When you share a post or a quote via social media, think of the lasting effects. For us, it is an ongoing struggle, not a 24 hour trend to be acknowledged for a little while and then moved aside like an emotional conveyor belt. And for those I see who do share the quotes, who do share the posts and write about it, you talk about it and you are open about it, I salute you.
Those who smile the most, hurt the most…
For those who struggle to find the light in the darkness, they hide it well. How many of us have seen on the news and read the words “They were the life and soul of the party” “A truly hilarious and outgoing guy” they say how happy they were and how much they smiled all of the time. And we never knew how deep the struggle was.
I understand that so many of us are around the ones we love and never see the hurt behind their eyes. I have been with my partner for five and a half years, and it has taken me five and a half years to finally sit him down and explain to him my mental health and the darkness that still follows me to this day. So I understand that sometimes those who are around, it is not that they do not understand, it is simply that they cannot see something we choose not to show them. And why do we do that? Because again, we feel that we cannot burden them with our problems.
Think of it this way…How many of you MESSAGE, how many of you make the FIRST move, not just by sharing some quick social media post that is circulating at that precise moment as this only makes us feel like a trend movement…How many of you have picked up the phone and phoned someone, messaged them and said just a few little words like “How are you doing” “I hope you are okay” “I am always here” or even “You’ve got this” it is amazing how just a few words could change a mindset and potentially help someone to find the light in their darkness…
Sending out an SOS to the world
The next time you see the news, a post, or a quote on social media, take a moment just to think, when this awful and heart breaking event happened to that person how they must have been feeling, and then take a moment just to respond to that…
This will always be an ongoing struggle, so sharing strong and powerful messages is great to see, but at the same time, please do not forget that sharing a post may not be the push someone needs to see the light, but a message or phone just to “check in” could be just what someone needs. I know that I am lucky enough to have some incredible people in my life that help to send that love, so lets return it.
A lot of people won’t and don’t know my story, typing away at the keys it almost seems like a life time ago that I first entered my first labyrinth of darkness and uncertainty, the unknowing and knowing of it all, so sitting here typing away still feeling like I shouldn’t be sharing this with you, I will apologise now for the word gibberish and how my words might come across, but in order to move forward, one must first re-visit the past…
Re-visiting my old age friend I have realised that it has been a whole twelve year battle with that’s right you’ve guessed it, #mentalhealth. At the age of thirteen my life hit a downward spiral of compelling darkness, emotional roller coasters and moments of loss every way I turned, some brought on sadly by the loss of loved ones, some brought on by me and me alone, a scary thought to handle. Over the next few years through school and college I did some seriously stupid things, after that I lost jobs, I lost friends, and I lost myself for a while…even the attempt of my own life should have been seen as a wake up call, but it wasn’t, and I carried on trying to find myself and trying to live a life that didn’t exist but hoping every day I would wake up this woman I had dreamt of and everything would be ok…and then it comes to a point when you look at your life and you think “Could this get any worse?”…well if you allow it to then YES is the short answer, shit gets real and it gets real, real quick!
I allowed myself to spiral out of control, like when you drop the loo roll on the floor and you just sit there for a second watching it unravel in front of you and then you have to re-build it again…knowing that it’s going to take time, and there is a chance that it isn’t going to look or turn out the way you want it to either.
DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE A LOOSE LOO ROLL!!
Mental Health shouldn’t have just one week or one day where everyone focuses on it. Guys, this is NOT a bank holiday! So don’t feel like you should be looked after just once a year, it isn’t Christmas. Beating mental health is a full time job and takes time too. So remember to take care of yourself and never be afraid to ask for help.
It has taken me twelve years to get where I am, it’s taken a lot of challenges and “fresh starts” to realise that actually life hands you a fresh start every day. So embrace it.
There is no good way to end something like this, and I would like to think that I could write a lovely quote, but sometimes you just need to hear those three little words…
“There is a unique pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes”
– Moms Blog
The word Motherhood is a word can bring joy to most of us and also pain to the rest. And there isn’t anything wrong with that, some women who are already Mums can suffer pain, it might be the pain that you feel trapped, lost and you constantly feel like you’re a failure, that’s OKAY, it’s ok to feel like that, it’s a tiring a job! It’s tiring, mentally, emotionally and physically as well, and some people will never understand and some people will, but nevertheless it’s YOUR body and YOUR life, and YOUR family every family and person is DIFFERENT.
To all the Mothers and Fathers out there, I salute you, you’re doing an amazing job.
There also those who aren’t Mothers or Fathers for that fact and also feel those EXACT feelings. That’s ok too! Those who have been trying for years to fall pregnant and it hasn’t happened yet, those who are spending every penny on IVF just to have that little gap in their heart filled also feel like that and that’s ok guys, it is. Those who have been through a loss at no matter what stage and you feel like that, it’s OKAY. If I have learnt anything from this experience, IT’S OKAY!
Me and my fiancé had that exact feeling this week, we randomly took a test which after days of waiting like contestants on the Price is bloody Right found out it was negative, and BOOM you’re straight back to Square 1 again. “Will it happen” “Will it EVER happen again” “What should I be doing differently” and the truth is there is actually nothing you can do, although you are in your own body, that doesn’t actually mean you control it, sorry. We have been trying and still carrying on as normal and it hasn’t made a difference, the truth is you just have to be patient and tell yourself “IT WILL HAPPEN”.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Welcome to “The M Word” and my first blog post!
Alot of people have asked what my blogs are about and the answer is, everything. I wanted to create a blog that would realte to everyone out there who was battling with something in their lives and thought if there was somewhere out there that they could go to to get away from real life and hear someone elses problems and experiences it would help them with their own.
So here it is, my blog “The M Word”. About everything, Motherhood, Motivation, Mental Health, Money, you name it it’s in here. And I wanted to share my experiences to help others, kind of a laugh at my pain blog.
So, here’s the first bit, “ME”…first of all, remember that it’s ok not to be okay, and it’s ok if you wake up some mornings and don’t feel like getting out of bed, it’s ok if you feel like having a cry, or even if you’re sat at work or the kids are crying and you think “I’ve had enough” it’s ok. Don’t ever feel bad for being human, don’t ever feel bad for having feelings and emotions, even the men, it’s OKAY.
My journey started about fourteen years ago, I was thirteen and at the point hormones were the in thing and everyone had them, but mine were a battle from the word go, after losing a very dear and amazing family member I took a downward spiral into a very dark lifestyle and throughout my teenage years I struggled with depression and even a small personality disorder, where I would try and live as a completely different person to try and hide the fact that my life was not what I wanted it to be. I attempted suicide twice at the age of nineteen and felt that I just couldn’t carry on.
I went through bad relationships, I went through bad times, I took the “happy pills” on four different occasions over a six year span and moved to several cities thinking a fresh start would be a fresh scene to set myself up on, but it didn’t work.
The final slap to the face was this year aged twenty six, living with the love of my life, just beaten depression and we had found out in the summer that we were expecting our first baby….but that wasn’t the case, at all.
August this year Baby Bambino decided to take a vacation and vacate the premises, and it was the hardest thing I think out of everything I have had to face, staring an empty screen where our baby should have been felt like my heart had been ripped out o my chest and a “Failed” sign had been put there instead.
So why now you might ask….well, why not? I have suffered a lifetime of emotional rollercoasters, money problems, career choices and fitness fads and fails. And now it’s time to share my experiences to help others know whatever it is you are going through, no matter how dark the tunnel might feel, no matter how dark your thoughts are and if you are out there and youo’re desperate for a family of your own and want that job, and you want that body, I am here to tell you that it is ok.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
The M Word 