A lot of people won’t and don’t know my story, typing away at the keys it almost seems like a life time ago that I first entered my first labyrinth of darkness and uncertainty, the unknowing and knowing of it all, so sitting here typing away still feeling like I shouldn’t be sharing this with you, I will apologise now for the word gibberish and how my words might come across, but in order to move forward, one must first re-visit the past…
Re-visiting my old age friend I have realised that it has been a whole twelve year battle with that’s right you’ve guessed it, #mentalhealth. At the age of thirteen my life hit a downward spiral of compelling darkness, emotional roller coasters and moments of loss every way I turned, some brought on sadly by the loss of loved ones, some brought on by me and me alone, a scary thought to handle. Over the next few years through school and college I did some seriously stupid things, after that I lost jobs, I lost friends, and I lost myself for a while…even the attempt of my own life should have been seen as a wake up call, but it wasn’t, and I carried on trying to find myself and trying to live a life that didn’t exist but hoping every day I would wake up this woman I had dreamt of and everything would be ok…and then it comes to a point when you look at your life and you think “Could this get any worse?”…well if you allow it to then YES is the short answer, shit gets real and it gets real, real quick!
I allowed myself to spiral out of control, like when you drop the loo roll on the floor and you just sit there for a second watching it unravel in front of you and then you have to re-build it again…knowing that it’s going to take time, and there is a chance that it isn’t going to look or turn out the way you want it to either.
DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE A LOOSE LOO ROLL!!
Mental Health shouldn’t have just one week or one day where everyone focuses on it. Guys, this is NOT a bank holiday! So don’t feel like you should be looked after just once a year, it isn’t Christmas. Beating mental health is a full time job and takes time too. So remember to take care of yourself and never be afraid to ask for help.
It has taken me twelve years to get where I am, it’s taken a lot of challenges and “fresh starts” to realise that actually life hands you a fresh start every day. So embrace it.
There is no good way to end something like this, and I would like to think that I could write a lovely quote, but sometimes you just need to hear those three little words…
You are enough.